Things I am growing in after turning 25…part 2

Where do insecurities come from?

Every so often…well very often something happens to me and my reaction (or lack of), makes me think about how far I have come emotionally. I think out how temperamental I was as a teenager compared to how increasingly calm I am now and I am amazed. Ok so I have to be honest in stating I am still a bit of a character and have reactions that are completely out of proportion, but I am working on that. I frequently talk to my younger sister about self -awareness and how I find it changes as we get older. The thought of these conversations led me to think about my other side of being younger i.e. hypersensitivity and insecurity. Where do they come from? And where and how do they go?

Asking myself these questions it took me back and I started remembering how I never used to wear sleeveless tops because I hated my arms. Or how I never really kept my natural hair out because I did not think it was long enough or nice enough. Now – I love my hair and have even cut it, dyed it, relaxed it – all these different things to the point I enjoy having it out. And my arms – I love sleeveless! I love feeling the sun all over me and am really sad that we do not enjoy a good enough summer to allow me to consistently feel the sun on my skin from sunset to sundown, day in day out. I was thinking about how the growth seems to have just happened and realised it is actually a journey. I cannot put my finger on one defining moment when I just snapped out of mind-sets. However I do know that I had to address the fact that the thoughts and views I had about myself were unhealthy. I had to start speaking to myself in a way that encouraged self-love and appreciation. I had to stop comparing myself to others and celebrate the fact that no-one is made like me so obviously I never will and should never want to match up.

One thing that I do believe was crucial is my relationship with God. There is a lot in the Bible about identity and actually because God made me – it makes sense I will go to Him to find out who I am. What is interesting is that I discovered that most (if not all) my insecurities had foundations in the fact that I had looked outside of God to find who I am. I got so caught up in the confusion of looking around and seeing how other (equally confused) people did things and thought about themselves and replicated there same failed methods. It was a mess!

So why did I write this post? To celebrate how far I have come and how far any of you can come too if you feel like insecurities are taking over.

 

NM x

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About Plantain Periodicals

Hello! Welcome to the Plantain Periodicals blogs. The name stems from the kitchen moments I had with my friends at university cooking plantain and planning our lives together. I have used this space as a window into my mind and the way I make sense of all my experiences through writing.This is where I share those conversations and moments that happen inside my head as a young woman growing up in 21st century London. Hopefully you'll be entertained and also learn a thing or two. My main blog ad: www.nissiknows.wordpress.com My literature blog: www.plantainperiodicals.wordpress.com NMx
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