Turning 25 was my first birthday post 18 that I really felt at peace, excited and fulfilled. Other birthdays my main thought was – I am getting so old. So focused on insecurities and the mountains ahead of me, I seriously struggled to really celebrate a birthday. Typing this I know it must seem weird, pathetic—you fill in whatever word. But I also know that there are some people reading this that can empathise with me. There are some people that even now as they approach their birthdays, they are gripped with fear and dread and a longing to find out when their lives will ‘start’. So I decided to write a series on the reflections I have had now that God has blessed me with my 25th year. More than anything it is a way for me to get my thoughts down on paper. A way for me to keep record of my thoughts and feelings now then look back when I am 30, 40, 50 on if anything has changed. It is also a way for you all to join my on this journey of self – reflection. I am excited to begin!
So the first thing I thought as the clock struck 12 was – I have nothing to prove. I thought this so much so that I even wrote a song about it. I know I have previously blogged on the matter but it seemed I got a newer conviction and clarity. Instead of the focus being on what I did not have to prove, I found that I was so set on excelling in all that I already am, that having nothing to prove was just a bi – product. To put it another way – I am living my life instead of thinking about the way I should have been living my life.
Let me tell you – it feels amazing. To continually be growing and having the thought less – I wonder what ‘X’ will think. To have my thoughts and opinions and be able to come to conclusions without second guessing myself 9/10 times….. I do get moments when I want a second opinion but I am now seeking the advice from people that are invested in me and care about me, instead of irrelevant naysayer that will say anything on matters they know very little about but want to give a tonne of advice.
I wish I could have come to this realisation earlier but I believe that everything forms part of a journey with a larger purpose.