Growing up I always dreamed of being a pop star. Nothing was more exciting to me than being the centre of attention and dressing up. I grew a little then decided I wanted to be an actress, then an MI5 agent, then a lawyer, then a forensic scientist, then a Doctor, then an urban missionary…then a writer. I have decided and am sticking to the writer identity. My book launch is next week and I enjoy blogging. However as you have seen I went through many career wants before I arrived at the place where I now feel joy and satisfaction with what I am doing and who I am.
The thought of my journey made me think about the changes I have been through and how I came to the decision that writing is what I was going to stick with. I have always loved reading and have been writing stories since I could write. However my joy of reading and writing made me think that I could not do it as a job because it did not feel like a job. I had the stereotype in mind that work had to feel depressing and drawn out so that I could tell people with a worn out look on my face that I had been to work.
However after 9 – 5t stints, other odd jobs and volunteering opportunities I was exposed to different ways of working and thinking. I now know that work does not have to feel labour some. To dread going to work does not have to be the norm. I often think about my dreams of being a popstar and wonder if I have short changed myself. Have I given up on my innocent dreams? Is the child in me dying? No!
Today I had the revelation that I did not decide to be a writer – I grew into one. The passion has always been there but it took seeing what I did not want to be in order to realise what I am. We often look back at childhood as being our purer selves. While this is true, childhood is also our baby self. We have a lot of growing to do and letting go of some of the ideals of childhood is not always bad.
Be warned: Adulthood does not however equate to being bitter!