Over the weekend I read TD Jakes’ book ‘Woman Thou art Loosed’. I had heard about it and to my surprise it is a novel and not a written sermon. The story delicately yet boldly depicts the life of a young woman who is molested by her mother’s boyfriend and falls into a spiral of drug abuse, prostitution and eventually prison. The girl’s mother refuses to believe that her man is a rapist and as a result neglects her child who goes on to be gripped by a bitterness and anger that culminates in the murder of her molester. I do not want to go into the ins and outs of the story because there are some unexpected turns that I would hate to ruin, nonetheless the book made me question – do people change? And if they do, how do we know that the change is forever and genuine?
The young woman kills her molester because she refused to believe that he could change. The thought of living knowing that he was alive was so overwhelming that she believed the only way she could have peace was by having him dead. I cannot for one second imagine how strong the hate must be for someone having their virginity, innocence and childhood so violently stolen away from them. However I do know in my own small way how it feels to strongly dislike someone who has massively hurt and offended me. Although I have managed to forgive (in most cases – praying that in 2012 I will see the full closure of all), I have doubted their claims that they have changed. Several times I have believed that they have not changed…and have been proved right. However I do not see it as a score board – I am right vs you are wrong: No. Instead I am now questioning if my presumptions have contributed to their seeming inability to be able to change? I remember during my Sociology studies learning about the ‘Self Fulfilling Prophecy’ – in a nut shell it is the theory that they way a person thinks and the way they are perceived by other people is the way they turn out.
For some people this is true – they live up to every expectation people have of them good or bad. However I have fought to try and be who I think I should be. When I was a little younger I fought so hard to go against what people thought about me that I sometimes went against what I wanted just because it was what other people wanted for me and I thought I had something to prove. Thankfully I have matured and no longer (well not consciously anyway) rebel against everything. Nonetheless reading the book has really made me think about what it takes for a person to change. I believe it has to be a personal drive and decision if the change is to last….
What are your thoughts?
Also on the subject of change my book ‘Finding Me’ is due to be released in March this year. It documents my journey of growth and finding my own identity, confidence and beauty. More to come on this soon! If you are interested in getting a complimentary copy for FREE and will promise to write a review – leave a message below.