The more I live I see that life is actually a game and it is up to us to choose how we play it. Some are reckless and step over everybody and anybody to get where there want, whereas some are so feeble and fickle and let everybody else step over them in a bid to try and make everyone else happy. Yesterday evening I changed into my comfy clothes: hoody – check, pj bottoms – check, warm socks – check and with my teeny pink netbook perched on my duvet covered legs, began thinking about the way I was choosing to ‘play’ life. You see I am a Christian so ultimately I have decided to try and get as close to God a possible and let Him lead but that does not mean that I have no desires, passions and dreams of my own. Sometimes these dreams are in line with what I feel God wants me to do and at other times they completely contradict my belief in Him. It is a constant process of review, sitting to read my Bible and spending moments of quiet meditation to just listen and simply be. I am currently going through a massive process of transition. There are a lot of great opportunities lined up in front of me (International modelling, book release) this year but at the same time I know that I can easily get sidetracked if I do not set some solid boundaries for myself.
So…what brought on this thought process? It was not completely random…Last weekend I had my first ever TV interview and as nerve wracking as it was, I think I did ok. However there was one slip of the tongue I made and if the show producers do not edit the tape accordingly, could present me in a distorted light. The minute the words came out of my mouth I wanted to gather them all back in and wish no – one heard but life does not work like that. There are things that we do, sometimes very small things that show us to be something we are not. It is like that one moment then defines us. Even though you and I know that it is a superficial definition, to the outside world (namely those who barely know us but also have the most to say), it seems that this single moment characterizes us.
So I am now taking time out to rehearse and understand my boundaries. I do not want to be caught off guard again. I now understand why people say practise what you are going to say. The more I think about it the more I see that life itself is very artificial. How many authentic moments do we really have?