Finding Me pt 3: Heartbreak – I am a type 4.

Ok so now time for my part 3 of ‘Finding Myself’. A huge event that affected my life was my first heartbreak. Often peoples first experiences of romantic love will affect the way they view relationships and the opposite (and same sex) for the rest of their lives. I believe that there are 4 types of people. Now let me make it abundantly clear that these are my own opinions, I am not a psychologist, or psychoanalyst or mind magician of any kind. What I am is a girl who has loved and lost, loved and won and had friends and family members with colourful lives and relationships with whom I have watched and been able to come to these conclusions.

So the first kind of person is the one who falls in love, falls flat and then hates anyone who is similar to this person who broke their heart. The next is the type who falls in love, falls flat and spends their whole life wanting the person who broke them, or types similar. The third falls in love, falls flat and decides never to let anyone close again. The fourth falls in love, falls flat, learns lessons and applies the lessons learned to their future romantic pursuits. Those are my four.

 I know many of the first 3 types. All ultimately lead to a very frustrated and unfulfilling or temporary happiness. The fourth is the one that sets you free to make mistakes, love, lose, learn, laugh and continue with life determined to love completely, wholly and purely. After my first heart break I had a decision to make. I knew many friends who kept making the same mistakes with the same kinds of guys or who became ice queens and suffered even more because ultimately we all have to feel. I knew that one day I wanted a husband and to be honest I enjoy getting to know somebody and becoming vulnerable. So you can guess what type I decided to be. Yes I am a type 4!

So… one lesson I have learned on this jolly journey of life is that in all matters heart and otherwise – I must learn from my mistakes and not become bitter.

 Smile Jesus loves you!

Nissi x

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About Plantain Periodicals

Hello! Welcome to the Plantain Periodicals blogs. The name stems from the kitchen moments I had with my friends at university cooking plantain and planning our lives together. I have used this space as a window into my mind and the way I make sense of all my experiences through writing.This is where I share those conversations and moments that happen inside my head as a young woman growing up in 21st century London. Hopefully you'll be entertained and also learn a thing or two. My main blog ad: www.nissiknows.wordpress.com My literature blog: www.plantainperiodicals.wordpress.com NMx
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26 Responses to Finding Me pt 3: Heartbreak – I am a type 4.

  1. The Honie says:

    Hey Lady,
    You really should read Summoning The Strength. It has everything, humor, sex, difficult family dynamics, love, friendship, more sex, deception, politics, and extreme honesty. It captures the nature of a life well lived and shows how the worst of circumstances can help us discover the best of ourselves. The story of Katherine Doyle and the amazing women in her life will help you laugh if you want to, heal if you need to, and no longer accept the statement “we are only human” as an excuse for bad behavior. I will happily send you a copy. Contact me if you want to.
    HonieBriggs.com

  2. adalamar says:

    Really enjoyed this post. I have long said that when bad things happen we have a choice – to either let that bad event be a ball and chain to drag us and keep us down, or use it as a stepping stone to rise above and become better. Of course it is much easier said than done. Not being bitter takes a lot of work sometimes, but the reward of keeping a unencumbered heart is worth it. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Madison Woods says:

    I would say that all my life I had been a type 3 even without the heartbreak. Then when it finally occured and my heart was broken after trusting I became a type 4. Good assessment of the types of responses to the most intimate kind of pain.

  4. Lilly says:

    I’m a four! Thanks for dropping by to my blog, too. I enjoy reading your posts.

  5. bittercharm says:

    I think I keep hopping between all of these, from time to time, not just in romantic relations but all that induces love and pain.

  6. ventamatic says:

    oh i really like this , this post give a warm feeling

  7. cessology says:

    I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks too, but the most memorable for me is the first one. Thankfully, I found the will that would later on classify myself to be in the type 4.

  8. Bree Beal says:

    A great post. I really enjoyed reading this!

  9. Hello..Thank you for the ‘like’. Reading your post it occurred to me how wonderful love is. It certainly has been found to be everything from an opposite to a common denominator. If you were heartbroken..you know the blues..you also have been in love..good memories if there is respect..good post..:-)..Peace Tony

  10. You’re just a little bit of awesome and whole lot of amazing. Thank you for this. Very insightful. Hopefully Ill be the type and pray to God I dont turn into types 1-3.

  11. contoveros says:

    “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all . . .”
    Love can generally be found again, once we learn that you can’t try to possess or control it. Let love be free and it may just end up freeing the best in you and in me.

    michael j,
    Conshohocken, PA USA

  12. For a long period of time, I was the second type. I have had a hard time letting people go in the past. But once I managed to let them go, I remained the fourth type, never being bitter over a relationship ending but always trying to see it as a valuable experience. What’s the point of hating someone or something that you once loved so much? If it wasn’t for everything we have been through, EVERYTHING, we would not be exactly where we are and who we are today.

  13. You know, this has a ring of truth for our relationships with our parents, too. Some poor souls do love their parents, but when parents let them down, they take themselves down to the next level, of fear and self-pity. At that point, whatever has happened in the past becomes doubly effective in destroying their lives, and likely to show up in them when they become parents, too.
    Thanks for your insights.

  14. Congratulations on finding yourself and learning the valuable lesson of accepting change and not to be bitter about it. Life is all about moving forward no matter what. Otherwise, what are we living for? You will find other experiences that will give you greater memories as you move on with your Type 4 personality. Cheers!

    More on the subject of moving on and making progress: http://qwestore.wordpress.com/2011/12/10/which-way-to-progress/

  15. Thanks for visiting the O.W. Prince Ministries’ blog. It’s good to know that there are others who appreciate and enjoy the work of the kingdom Ministry. Thank you and know that I am praying for you. Keep Looking up! Regarding this particular post, your opinion matters and it is my opinion that your opinion is insightful. i would add one more category to the list of types and that is type # 5. The most vicious one of all is the one who loves, get devastated by unfaithfulness then punishes the next lover for the deeds of the one who originally injured them. They spend all of their energies extracting reparations from the one who is innocent of any wrong doings. It is my experience that this is where a lot of folks are in their present relationship although many will not admit it.

  16. I like to think I fall into the fourth category. Funny you used the phrase Smile Jesus loves you…once while I was transiting through an Airport in Rome – a total stranger. A woman of such interesting bearing and countenance stopped me and told me the same thing – this after I had just spent an entire flight hiding behind sun glasses and crying over a recent loss of a lover. I felt much better after that. I swear she was an angel.

  17. LadyJsVoice says:

    I must say that I’m happy to admit that I’m a type 4 but before I got here I would fall in love and I would be the one to let the guy go and move on to the next one never really giving the guy a chance to hurt me. I think that may have resulted from the heartbreak I endured with my first love and never wanting to feel that hurt again. Hmmm…until now I never thought about the root cause.

    Anyway, most women I know will fall and become bitter for a while and ruin any further chances of a new man entering their life until they have rid themselves of the bitterness. I feel life is too short to hold grudges and be unhappy so just learn from it and keep it moving. 😉

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