Following on from my last ‘Finding me’ post, I believe that every single day helps mould us into a better or worse person. I do not believe that this change happens miraculously without any input or choice from us. Instead I firmly believe that we make choices in every moment via word, thought, action or deed that make little deposits or withdrawals from our conscience, character and credibility. Quite early on in my teens I knew that I did not want to follow the crowd and be swept along in a cycle of despair and trying to live up to other peoples’ opinions of me. I felt strongly against people pleasing and quite often went to extremes to go against any thoughts or preconceptions people may have had about me. I was a lot younger then and made a lot of drastic decisions that ended up hurting me e.g. choosing a boyfriend I didn’t particularly like because I knew most people thought I would never date such a guy. End result: The relationship was a mess and I went through a rough healing process.
Nevertheless I learned a lot about myself including this message: I cannot control what other people do but I need to learn to take responsibility for my actions, think before I act and find something to be thankful for even in my darkest moments. Understanding that I could not and did not want to take part in the blame game was pivotal for me. The problem with always blaming other people for your actions is that you always feel like you are at the mercy of other people. A sense of dissatisfaction and hate quickly develops and soon enough you end up being a bitter person…how many of us have been there?
As soon as I started trying harder for myself and doing the best of my ability to live the life I wanted to and the person I wanted to be, I was a lot happier. I truly started minding my own business and putting my energies into making everyday a good day for myself, instead of relying on others.
Also always finding something to be grateful for stopped me from blowing my problems out of proportion. In the moment when something has gone wrong it is so easy to get carried away with the problem. However focusing on my problems did nothing for me. There were some days I would feel so disheartened and spending the whole day buried in books, instead of using my brain to find a solution and move on.
Essentially part of growing up is not the number or age you are, but your ability to distinguish between when it is time to focus on you and when it is time to focus on others. The chief irony is that to mature we actually need to spend time being selfish in the sense that we selfishly our own emotional and mental maturity. Learning this lesson has saved me from a lot of further unnecessary heartbreak and wasted efforts.
Note: The problem starts with you. Harsh, but true.
****(p.s. check out my ‘Writing You’ Webinar – only 30 places – this Friday – only $15 (details on my ‘Writing You Webinar’ page above)****