Family, family family! Lessons from my 90 year old grandad.

Hello!!!

I am in Zambia at the moment and could not wait to share this post. I came here for my grandad’s 90th birthday and it was an amazing time with family. So refreshing and enlightening. When someone has lived as long as he has, they have some words of wisdom to share. I wanted to share what I got from the amazing day with you. Click the link below to listen to my podcast:

http://iamcymbol.podbean.com/e/family-family-family/

NM x

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Dream Job Drama

So today I was having a convo with some friends about our jobs, life, love, relationships…I would call them the usual things people find themselves talking about at one stage or another. At first it started off as a complaining competition; all of us moaning about what could be better….Then, as conversation moved we started thinking and talking about the way we could change things. We had some weird, wonderful and pretty dumb ideas about how we could make our millions so that we could spend our days doing something we love.

A natural pause came in our conversation and one of my friends brought up how someone she knew left a mundane job for a life on stage. The job on stage was the ideal job for that person. Yet when they got it there were still some things they did not like I.e. constant judgment in auditions, the rejection of not getting parts, being away from family while on tour.  On the flip side there were things the person loved I.e  bringing a story to life, meeting loads of new people and extended holidays….It struck me how even in the dream job, there will be things I do not like.

The conversation left me feeling driven and empowered because I had started doutring the writing and singing I thought I wanted to do because sometimes I get really tired!…

Truth be told whatever we do we will get tired and frustrated…might as well spend the time doing something we love…

Just a thought!

NM xx

P.s. I have a new song out: https://m.soundcloud.com/iamcymbol/push-and-pull

My book on beauty and self – esteem is available here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B009TOB9LC

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Talking about ‘Life of Hers': 20-something, African and living with expectations.

So there is something really exciting on youtube at the moment. I have personally been waiting a loooong time for someone of my generation to write about the complexity and multi-dimension of 20 -something women and men of African origin. Samantha Chioma has done just that in ‘Life of Hers’. I watched the 5 episodes yesterday and without being a spoiler, it made me think about the expectations I had and have of and for myself. Many people like me who there parents are first generation African’s who worked hard to build lives for their families, feel they (we) have a lot to live up to. I turned 25 this year and it was a surprise for me that I was actually happy because I had previously set a rigid set of guidelines in terms of how I could quantify my success (or not).

I am happier than I have been for previous birthdays because I have learned to be patient with myself. I am learning to enjoy the growth process and leave my life in God’s hands. I love ‘Life of Hers’ because it shows how we struggle to live up to what we think society and family expect of us when in actual fact, what really matters is what is going on inside…what we think of ourselves.

Watch it here:

NMx

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After lessons learned…

For the past week I have been posting my ‘lessons learned after 25′ thoughts. It has been refreshing and great to see the amazing feedback from you all. I believe that when lessons are truly learned, it brings about change. For me that change has been clarity with my vision and goals in life, and taking action to move forward.

Hand in hand with my passion in writing, is my love to sing. I recorded this gem and want to share it with you. Singing is another way for me to express myself and hold onto lessons/ memories. The release of the song marks a new start for me in music.

What action do you take after learning a lesson?

NM x

A pic of me on my way to the studio….

image

My book on beauty and self – esteem is available here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B009TOB9LC

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Things I am growing in since turning 25…part 6

Do you own yourself?

 I was once young. I know what it is like to love while young, I want to advise you. I am aware that, in the end, you will do what you want. My advice is that you wait. You can love without making love. It is a beautiful way of showing your feelings but it brings responsibility, great responsibility, and there is no rush. I will advise you to wait until you are at least in the university, wait until you own yourself a little more. Do you understand?

Reading Americanah was so refreshing because it helped bring clarity to some thoughts I had about myself but did not know how to articulate. In the extract above, Obinze’s mum is advising Ifemelu about the responsibility of love. (For those that have not read the book, Ifemelu and Obinze are young lovers). The part that stood out to me the most was, “wait until you own yourself a little more”. I am now 25 and I look back on the passion and impatience I had throughout my teens. I literally could not wait for anything. I would spend hours agonising over issues and things I could not change. I dreamt up every possible scenario that could happen between myself and anybody I was crushing on. I spent hours imagining the life I would lead if I was in my (then – not now) dreamland America; talked through my life as a celebrity singing to people all around the globe. In short, the things I wanted became an obsession. However, because I was so young and had so little experience, a relatively sheltered life and was incredibly naïve, I could not understand why the universe did not fall on its knees to meet my demands.

So what am I getting at? That trap of wanting to do everything and anything when you are in the mental state ‘lost’, is not a great way to tumble through life. Yes we do have to experiment and I believe in calculated risks but I have also experienced and seen what can happen when you force something you are not ready for. Society tells us now, that ‘now’ is the only time that matters. That is not true. To wait, to stand strong, to assess where you have been and where you are going are also very effective and very necessary seasons.

“My advice is that you wait”. Knowing when to stop and when to go is one of the most important lessons we will ever learn in life. In love, business, family, self – all must be lived in balace; a mixture of movement and rest; action and reflection. Do not be a person that does not understand and accept the responsibility that your life holds.

“Do you understand”.

NMx

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Things I am growing in since turning 25…part 5

  • Connecting with my pain and understanding past hurts, helps drive my hustle

I used to hate getting hurt – I still do…but less so. With every emotional and physical battle I find myself fighting I now know I am learning a little more about myself and taking on a quality in me that causes strife and division. It can be a good or bad trait, either way I am building and developing that increased self-awareness. Self-awareness is incredibly powerful. In fact I believe there is little stronger than knowing who you are. As a Christian I believe that knowing who you are in God sets you up to live an exciting, challenging and fulfilling life. When God reveals Himself to you and in turn you learn more about yourself, something amazing happens. It is almost as if you finally wake up. Because I am sure you know there is a difference between surviving and living.

NM x

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Things I am growing in after turning 25…part 4

  • Big sacrifices have been made for me to be where I am

My parents brought me up to be aware of my personal history and history of Zambians before me. They also taught me to be mindful of how blessed I am daily by focusing on what I have instead of what I do not have. I have found that as I have grown in awareness and mastered that ever so dangerous habit of comparing what I have to that of others, I am having to unlearn. I don’t know at what point it happened i.e. when I started paying so my attention to others instead of minding my own business but I have decided that going forward, I want to be so focused on the way God is already moving and working in my life, that I do not have the time or capacity to be dreaming up a list of other areas I feel He should be working. You see I am learning that we (humans) are so fickle. One minute we feel one thing and the next it is something completely different. Although it is natural to have fluctuations in emotion and direction, it is not the healthiest or most fulfilling way to live.

 NM x

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